You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
