Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
