hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
