So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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