i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
