i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
