So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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