Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
