I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm just crazy horny about you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
