I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
