She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
