Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
