Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
