he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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