went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
