Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
