I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
