I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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