I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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