Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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