I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
