im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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