I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.