waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
