My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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