I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
