everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
