woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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