oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
