spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
