I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
