i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
