I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
