just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I could fuck to npr.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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