we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
