Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
