new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
