so explain again why im purple
no
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
