she woke up with a sticky ear
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
