so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
