hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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