I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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