he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
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I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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