You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
