That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
