People in love make me want to vomit
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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