is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
