u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
