he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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