??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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