I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
