I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
