I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
