We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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