I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
