why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog