Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.