i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.