shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
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i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
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Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..