she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"