The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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