when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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