Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
