I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
