My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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