i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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