using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
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I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
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I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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