no, he came in my armpit
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
COCAINE IS GR8
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
