at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
